Chapter 18: Lord Tyrion's Unwanted Appointment to the Wall

The letter arrived on a Tuesday, which Tyrion had always considered the most treacherous day of the week — possessed of none of Monday's honest wretchedness nor Wednesday's commendable mediocrity, but presenting instead the false promise of a week not yet entirely ruined. He was reading it for the third time when Cersei entered his chambers without knocking, which was her consistent method of announcing that whatever followed would be presented as a gift.

"You have read it, then," she said.

"Three times," Tyrion confirmed, setting it on his knee with the care of a man handling an exhibit. "The second reading confirmed my initial impression, and the third has rather solidified my view that the phrase 'an honour befitting your particular qualities' was composed by someone who knows precisely what my particular qualities are and finds them, at this precise moment, geographically inconvenient."